"The Tip of the Crystal"

The Work

  A friend told me that he had given my number to a someone called Alluna. He said that I would find this being interesting as it claimed to be an extraterrestrial "walk-in." The following week Alluna called. It was a she, and she sounded remarkably terrestrial. We talked over the phone and then agreed that she would come by and I would make dinner.

  "Will salad be allright?" I asked, fearing that earthly cuisine might not be assimilated into an extraterrestrial. She said she loved salad and that she'd be over within the hour. I made some simple preparations and soon the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure what to expect. Should I ask her to zap my eczema? Would she be beautiful? Could she take off her skin? I opened the door and was faced by a pleasantly plump person dressed entirely in white. She wore a long gold chain around her neck. Attached to the chain was a crystal . She gave me a hug and entered the apartment. We spoke for a while and then we ate. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She chewed, laughed, and went to the bathroom just like other women I knew. I asked some questions about the Extraterrestrial Earth Mission, the group she was with, but she suggested that I simply come to one of their intensive group sessions so that I could see for myself what it was all about. I said that I'd love to participate, so we arranged to meet for dinner with the rest of the E.T.s just prior to their intensive.

  The afternoon of the next day I drove to Venice and parked my car outside the hotel where the E.T.s were staying. I wondered if it wouldn't have been more economical for them to spend the night in one of their "ships." Just then a group of twelve human looking types emerged from the hotel. They were all dressed in white and wore enormous, ornate crystals around their necks. With the exception of one, they ranged from reasonably rotund to fairly fat. I was later informed that it took large bodies to house their intense energy. After greetings were exchanged it was decided, in English, that we would go for Thai food. I began to warm to these universal beings with human desires. We were seated at an adequately large table at the restaurant and I was introduced to each of the star travelers. Their names were all trisyllabic and began with the letter "A." I have always had problems with names but this was definitely more than my synapses could bear. As I stared at the human shells that Argonum, Aktivar, Avanisha, Arturas, Avatar, Andrana, and the others inhabited, I wondered why none was named Sam, or Jimbo, or even Nancy. I assumed a discussion on astral etymology probably wouldn't mix well with Larb, Mee Krob, and Thai sausage, so I ate quietly, grateful to be the chosen earthling allowed audience. The meal was an interminable feast whose abundance could easily have satisfied the hunger of seven average Earth families. Once the bill was put on the E.T. corporate American Express Card, we departed for the hall in which the evening's event was to take place.

  As I entered the large room I noticed that one of the E.T.s was set up at a table and was taking payments from the guests. Next to this was another table with tee-shirts bearing the Extraterrestrial Earth Mission logo. Though the E.T.s hadn't mastered their appetites, they certainly had a knack for effective marketing.

  In less than half an hour the room was filled by guests. There was a large circle of chairs in which people were already seated. I sat in one of the chairs and looked around, hoping to exchange some light conversation or at least to make some eye contact, but everyone was looking at the ground as if in preparation for a whipping. The E.T.s were now walking around behind the circle of chairs and mumbling some incomprehensible words. Occasionaly an E.T. would stop behind one of the victims and lay his hands on whatever part of the body seemed to be in need of healing. Oddly enough, the E.T.s housed in male bodies were predominantly drawn to females, and the E.T.s housed in female bodies felt compelled to do "the work" (as I later heard it referred) on males. This continued for about fifteen minutes and soon the entire E.T. contingent began to make loud beeping noises similar to a car alarm. I now know this to be toning; a sound or series of sounds which purportedly aid in breaking down resistance and patterns of dysfunctional behavior.

  After the toning came a couple of campfire girls type sing-a-longs. Then there was silence. The largest E.T. who was sitting in the circle with us now closed his eyes, did a couple spasmodic head shakes, and began to speak with a very funny English accent. I couldn't help but think of my high school's production of Macbeth. I had seen channelling on T.V. once and the channel also spoke with an English accent. I wondered why none of the channels had a Yiddish or Iranian accent. He turned to the person sitting next to him and asked her why she had come. She spoke of past lives, finding herself, uniting with her divinity, and then fell to the floor in mid-sentence. She began to convulse with her arms and legs flailing. Two or three E.T.s swarmed over her, began toning, and did more of the incomprehensible word stuff until she quieted down. At this point I realized that I had had enough of the evening's festivities and quietly slipped out the door as "the work" was being performed on another troubled soul.
 

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